he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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