i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
