you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize