you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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