i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
