i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Still dying that you shit outside
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
