peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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