those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
