This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
