can we get nightvision for the apartment?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
