i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize