I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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