apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
