White coat. Heels.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize