We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
