I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
