please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
