i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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