Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
