I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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