I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
