Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
