I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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