well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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