So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
