Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
