dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
