if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
