Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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