You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
