Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
