i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
