youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
True strength comes from lack of pants
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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