...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
