piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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