oh god the rape fog is back!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
