Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
