last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
