I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
