Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
