I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
