guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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