I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize