There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
