please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
