just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
