Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
this boner is exhausting
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
