Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
