You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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