Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
