k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Less talking, more tequila
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
