im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
