She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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