I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Terrible idea I love it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
