Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
