Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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