So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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