Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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