I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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