Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i dont even know how to be here
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
