Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
