Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
