My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
