you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
