dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
