In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
