You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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